I am a young man and my problem is I think I am sex crazy! I can’t stop thinking about it; I want it all the time. I lose most of my girlfriends because of my excessive demands. I can’t afford prostitutes, and I don’t know how to curb my urges. Also I like a girl to struggle so I can overpower her. One of my girlfriends said this was rape and she was going to report me. I thought she was just joining in the game, often they mean yes when they say no. What can you advise me to do?
– Sex mad Simon
You are not sex mad. Some men, especially young men, do have this problem. When it rules your life, it is a bad thing. My first advice is to work off that excess energy by physical labour. If you are working, get up early and jog all the way to and from work, even if its ten kilometres. If you are still at school or unemployed, exercise much more. Try and get a job which requires manual effort, like a construction site where you carry heavy loads.
Secondly control over one’s emotion is part of growing up – whether it is a bad temper, or sexual desire or anything else. Adults should not give in to urges that might hurt or damage others, and could cause them problems You have already come close to a problem when the girl threatened to report you for rape. This is a criminal offence and these days the courts are handing out severe sentences. There is a big difference between games and forcing yourself on someone. Learn the difference. And just so you know, “no” really does mean “no”. Try and find a girlfriend who enjoys what you enjoy but first she should be someone you like and whose company you appreciate. That way you will learn to consider girls as people, as companions, and not as sexual objects. Buying sex is no substitute for a good relationship. Simon, just learn to manage your life and your emotions — grow up in other words.